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Messages on Growth

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How to heal ourselves and the planet we live on


Nature of Intention and Invitation

For anyone to have a deeper experience with connection, that is connecting with other people intention and invitation are doorways. This is why I stress listening as their very first movement.

  1. Listening is the establishment of intention and invitation which supports a richer experience of connection for everyone involved.

This is true for both individuals and communities. I keep mention individuals and communities to begin to strengthen your understanding that because the messages are energetic they communicate about ways of being that naturally involve the individual and the community. This establishes another level of significance or my invitation to your awareness, to be awake. This significance involves teaches and leaders and parents. The importance of teachers leaders and parents working directly with intention arises from their ability to shape the fields and the physical experience of children. So any conversation of intention and invitation is not complete without exploring teaching and leading.

Further since the three of you are both teachers and leaders in tis work together your ability to work directly with energy and in this case intention and invitation is very important. Please try not to underestimate this.

Listening is the establishment of both intention and invitation that leads (reliably) to a deeper experience of connection. In this way we can quickly teach / offer a way for people to work with intention and invitation. In coaching people these two movements listening, intention and invitation are a firm foundation to establish or to invite energy of healing and growth into the field of a relationship or community. Of course this work first begins with the coach.

  1. The establishment of intention is more akin to meditation then to thinking and planning.

Often thinking and planning lead seem to be intention. However they are not. Thinking and planning are closer to physical types of movements than energetic ones. (We use this language separation not to express the nature of the physical and energetic – simply to  express some ideas in our language – since they actually are not separate. Yet they do have different qualities.

Because thinking and planning can reflect intention and do not set intention a different approach is necessary for establishing intention. In setting intention, the nature of the actual intention truly matters. This established two key points about the nature of intention – first, how intention is set (deepened, held, focused, untangled or not mixed) and second, the importance of what the intention actually is.

What is the difference between the intention:

  1. Come and listen to us and then dialogue

  2. Lets dialogue together and offer a way into the dialogue

Now either intention would be satisfying to the majority of people. Eating ice cream and eating fresh organic strawberries is also satisfying. Yet the effect in the body is different. Not that ice cream is harmful, however it does artificially stimulate the body creating an imbalance for a short time. This would not be the case for the strawberries.

Lets take the second example. With the Messages I have and as you work with others sharing the messages I do offer you a template of sorts for the nature of your intentions.

The messages are always offered for healing and growth, meeting people wherever they are. Consider the word offer. What is the nature of the qualities of this action offer?

There are many wise people who offer their ideas with great passion and energy and judge success by how well these ideas are accepted. Or how well they are understood, or used, or applied. These are energetic attachments on top of the offer. In this way the actual intention is more fully stated as – accept what I offer. In this case the intention is focused on a acceptance not offering. The messages are always offered. This can be done with great passion and not have attachments. This requires “reflective intention,” not planning and setting goals. Reflective intention begins with listening to yourself.

  1. It is not uncommon to have more than one intention. Multiple intentions create multiple invitations which can be confusing, diluting, misdirecting, or cause someone to chose which invitation to listen to or in some cases ascribe or give an intention to you.


When I say intention and invitation create well worn grooves – if your intention is not clear, clean and warm people will often given intention to your actions. In complex situations where wounds are present or connection is low, it is important for you to be clear with  yourself about your intention(s) and to share them with others. This is especially important for teachers and leaders.

Be cautious of advisors who are “in knowing” or “in wanting”. You can learn much from them if you are “in learning”. Conflict may arise – fast and rapid movement with closed minds and hearts, one possibility may dominate appearing to be the only path.

We, each of us, create an invitation around us to others. (In our relationships with people or specifically with different type of people (with men with women with children with teachers or leaders, with parents or as parents) These invitations can often reflect well worn grooves.

  1. Proceed with caution

  2. Let’s play and have fun

  3. My way

  4. Your way

  5. Focus on what is important to me

  6. I’m here to be of service

  7. Take care of me

  8. I only have eyes for you

  9. I am in control, obey or else be punished

  10. Come and walk with me, let’s learn together

  11. Only a few can walk close to me of my choosing

Sometimes the invitation shifts and while on a given day our intention may be change, from a larger perspective when the days blend with one another we have created for ourselves an invitation towards people and the world. (well worn grooves).

Those in positions of authority (teachers, leaders, parents) must pay special attention to the invitation they create. For those in authority there are several areas with which to explore about the invitation they are creating, The first area is influence.

  1. As you make decisions, are you open to influence?

  2. Who do you allow to influence you?

  3. How do you reveal yourself? Your thinking, assumptions, judgments, evaluation, feelings, hopes, worries, visions, passions?

What affects the quality of an invitation? Intention. First and foremost, intention shapes the quality of invitation.

  1. Inviting is to create movement. When you invite, you seek to create. You are always creating, recreating you invitation. Everyone has around them an invitation. Some might term this an aura, energy field, personal space.

Three Types of Conversations with Invitations

  1. You notice two people having a conversation. One is doing most of the talking. He is very animated and by his behavior. You surmise he is retelling a story. After about five minutes you notice the other person shifting his weight back and forth from one leg to the next; he takes another step or two back, looks around. The other person takes a step toward him and continues talking. The second person looks around slightly, looks at the ground, and takes a few steps back then reaches forward, lightly touches the other persons arm and points to the watch on the speakers arm breaking the flow of conversation. He is asking for the time. He raises his arm as if to say, “oh my”, touches the speakers arm, offers his hand to shake hands, spins around and walks briskly away.

For awhile there was an invitation to speak, which lasted ten to fifteen minutes. Then, for whatever reason, the listener withdrew his invitation. People create and recreate their invitations all the time.

  1. What did you think of Paul? Oh, he was so easy to talk to I felt so relaxed with him. I wound up telling him things about myself which I usually don’t tell other people, especially on a first date.

Consider this third conversation.

  1. ‘Well, what happened? Did he agree? Well, sort of. What do you mean, sort of? Either he agreed to the plan or didn’t. Well, he definitely liked it. — I asked if we could go ahead. He said we definitely need to do something in the next couple of weeks. He asked if there was anything else and before I could answer he stood up and thanked me for coming down. It was strange. I thought it should take us an hour to go through all the materials and we finished in about twenty minutes. He asked some good questions. He was obviously saying the meeting was over, he got up. He asked how my wife was and then said thanks again.

Our personal invitation can be situational or how we approach relationships. The first conversation between the two men could have been simply situational or it might be how they approach relationships. Is it possible that for the listener his invitation for someone to speak typically lasts five to fifteen minutes, then he loses interest? For the speaker, his invitation might be listen to me talk and tell you my stories, I’m full of stories to tell and do not have room to hear from you. In the second conversation, the woman tells someone more than she usually does. What is the nature of the invitation that would cause this to happen. In the third conversation there is confusion from the conversation. It seemed as if it went well, a decision expected or hoped for and not made. Who was in charge of this conversation? Could this be a pattern with this person to warmly greet, inquire, yet not commit?

What is Your Personal Invitation to Speak in Your Relationships?

Here are some samples of different invitations:

  1. I will listen to you. If you keep it short and simple. Tell me the facts. If I want more I will ask. The conversation is finished when I have heard what I need to know.

  2. I will listen to you if you are interesting. I like to be entertained. If it is an important social situation, after I lose interest I will pretend. My sister, I love her dearly, can talk forever. So I just tune her out in the middle of the conversation. I say uh, uh, or really, wow that’s cool or that’s interesting – every once in awhile,. I just let my mind wander.

  3. I will listen to someone if I think they will listen to me. If not I tune it out – try to keep the conversation short, more transactional. I don’t seek them out, to spend time with after I sense that they don’t listen.

  4. I try to listen I really do. I know I am not good at it. Some one says something and things just bubble up inside of me and I say them. Sometimes they are related to what the person is saying other times they reminded me of something I wanted to tell them. I can definitely take over a conversation. I don’t mean to – it just sort of happens. I guess I just have a lot to say. Do you think that is rude of me? I don’t mean to be rude. I can be very funny. There was one time when I was talking to my aunt….  My invitation well I guess it is to listen to me.

Here is a different form of invitation.

  1. Tell me your story. Tell it to me in whatever way is satisfying for you. Take all the time you need. Tell it fast or slow. It doesn’t need to be perfect all well thought out. I am here to listen to you and learn. Tell me how could I be the most helpful to you?

How often do you encounter this invitation? How often do you offer this invitation?

The energy of an invitation is not limited to conversations. It expands to our invitation for relationships. The qualities of someone’s invitation are typically experienced by others as mixtures:

  1. Open….closed

  2. Inviting…uninviting

  3. Helping…harming

  4. Centered – self…centered – others

  5. Taking…giving

  6. Needy…offer

  7. Minimal…maximal

People respond to the qualities of your invitation. Over time, invitations among people morph into forms and merge into the overall qualities of that relationship. This in turn are shaped into expectation, rules, agreements which further form the nature of the relationship.

  1. It all begins with an invitation. Often you are asleep, unaware of our invitation to others, the nature of our relationships. In this way we lose touch with our greatest ability which is to create, we create through invitation.

While there are many things we can create on our own, our invitation to others, our health of body, our heath of feeling, our capacity to learn. We live in a world of free will beings, each creators. So, in the world of relationships, we co-create. (This does not mean 50-50 responsibility) (more on this another time)

In a world of free will beings, all creators, our primary way of engaging each other is though invitation. Invitation in turn is shaped or formed by intention. Intention is always present because free will is always present. Whether we are asleep or awake shapes our intention.

Intention and invitation are the fundamental movements in all relationships. These movements are so basic that they are performed over and over and over again. So frequent are these movements that they create deep, energetic, grooves between people. These grooves affect both how energy is sent and received between people and also communities.