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Messages on Growth

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How to heal ourselves and the planet we live on


These are the remaining Myths:

  1. 5. Myth of Time
    6. Myth of Innocence
    7. Myth of Form
    8. Myth Pairing
    9. Myth of Attraction

5. Myth of Time

Time is a sticky myth. People are always getting stuck in time

It is only for you that time exists. There is no present, just a flow; you create this flow. You have made up time, it is another form of lines. All there is is a flow. You move within a self-created flow.

This is very obvious in extreme situations. John has smoked cigarettes since he was an adolescent. He is now in the later stage of his lifespan and has lung cancer, he will die very soon. John created this flow, given the quantity of cigarettes he consumed. Others contributed to this flow: the manufacturers of cigarettes, the sellers. John’s parents smoked, so they offered no guidance. Anyone could guess, predict, see the outcome. If you take time out of the equation, it becomes even easier to predict this outcome of cancer.

All life is a flow, not a sequence of time. All the other living creatures on your planet do not tell time; further, they do not count. They live in the flow and fully accept it. Counting is another form of lines; for when you count, meaning is attached to the sum.

All life is a flow, not time. You have the unique ability to live in the flow and to observe the flow at the same time. The dilemma is that you have so many ways that you obscure the flow. Many even deny that the flow exists and replace in their story of the world that the only important thing is time. Consider Paul:

Paul gets up at 6 a.m. every day, has breakfast by 7 a.m., is at work by 8 a.m., has meetings on the half hour for most of the day. All day he checks his watch. He has a clock on his desk and a larger clock on his wall. His assistant keeps time for him also, warning him not to be late for his next meeting. Paul works out after work at 7 p.m., has dinner at 8:30 p.m., works from 9:30-11 p.m., watches the evening news from 11-11:30 p.m. and then goes to bed. Paul judges his day by how much he got done, working against the clock. Paul lives by the saying, time is money.

Paul does not see his flow at all. Paul does not see the energetic build in his day.

Being awake means letting go of the Myth of Time. It means embracing the flow and observing the flow. Because of your ability to observe the flow, you create; you can, with intention, change the flow.

Stuck in Time

Time is a sticky myth. People are always getting stuck in time. The Myth of Time hides our experience of possibilities. The first way this happens is being stuck in time, in either the past, future or present. This means that your inner focus is locked on something that has occurred, or will occur, or is occurring. Your inner focus maybe feelings, images, past memories, future fantasies or hopes. Your inner focus can also be on the immediate present to such a degree that you are unaware of past wounds, or the future effects of your actions. This is the same also for communities. Entire communities can be stuck in time. For example, they may be focused on past wounds, seeking revenge, stuck in judgments and not taking in any new information about how a situation may have changed. Communities can also be stuck in the future, so completely focused on accomplishing something that they have little awareness of what is going on around them, how people are being affected by their focus on the future. They demonstrate little patience for reflection that may seem to slow them down in pursuit of their goals.

Stuck in the Past

There are many examples of individuals and communities who are stuck in the past. The strongest anchor for being stuck in the past is generational wounds. In this manner, the energy of harms, along with all the thoughts, feelings, stories and judgments about the harms, sweeps forward into the present. It obscures or blocks any current experience of the NOW. This is true of wars, where people see other people not as people, not a mother, a father, sister, brother, cousin, neighbor, aunt, uncle, friend. They see them as the “enemy.” They are the ones who are linked to the ones who have created great harms and must not be given a chance to do so again. So pervasive is this stuckness and the cloud which surrounds people, that the “other people” are transformed into images of the past. The feelings of either past generations or direct memories of wounds are fully present, as if they had not occurred in the past, but are occurring NOW. In places around the world, some generational wounds stretch for a thousand years! In other places, they originate only several generations ago. Being stuck in the past is an active process. Children are actively taught the history of judgments, evaluations, stories and are expected to actively take them up and act out of them. Consider how subtle this can be:

Newcomers are not to be trusted in the neighborhood, thought Kevin. They have no respect for the old ways of doing things and are full of new ideas about how things should be done. He remembers very well the problems they had with the Kinns when they moved here fifteen years ago, and before them the Marxs. The neighborhood should just stay the same. New people are not to be trusted.

Each side hates the other. The wounds continue from generation to generation; and while there are cease fires, the deep hatred and mistrust stays the same. The children are taught by the parents who they can trust and who they should hate. There is no logic to the war. Everyone is wounded and everyone loses. Yet each side cannot give up or feel they can show any sign of weakness.

Stuck in the Future

Consider these examples of people stuck in the future:

  1. Javier has clear goals for himself. He will be one of the best and be wealthy in the next six years. For this he will sacrifice and postpone everything. Every decision he makes is evaluated against the future. Will this help me be one of the best? Will this add to my wealth? How fast will this help me reach my goals? Can this person help me? If not, I’m not interested. Do they have something I need?

  2. Paul is looking for Mr. Right. Every person his friends introduce him to, he wonders if this the one. He fantasizes about how perfect life will be when he finds Mr. Right. He is often sad and envious, as he sees his friends finding partners. Why is this so difficult?

  3. Gabriel, on the other hand, is very cautious about relationships. Having had two bad experiences in a row, she is wondering if it isn’t simpler to just be single. She is not letting anyone get too close to her, avoiding a broken heart. She is angry and hurt, even though her last serious relationship was two years ago. Next week she will be in her younger sister’s wedding and is dreading it. She doesn’t want to hear all the comments and questions from her aunts and cousins about why she isn’t getting married.

  4. Jessi’s father is dying. They have known this for the past several months. Jessie is always sad. She is missing him so much, even though he is not gone. She is constantly thinking about all the things he will miss and that they will never get to do. He will never get to walk her down the aisle, or see his grandchildren. What will the holidays be like without him?

Stuck in the Present

Carl has problems to solve and little time left. He is impatient and does not want to hear excuses about why things are not getting done on time. He does not want people telling him about problems or about the consequences of cutting a few corners to meet deadlines. No one, he feels, really understands the pressure he is under.

To be stuck in the present is to be unaware or uninterested in how your actions or the situation affects other people, or to learn from past mistakes, or to consider the future effects of resolving the issues today.

Seeing the World Through Time

While people get stuck in time, the true complexity of this myth – the Myth of Time – is that we see the world through time. We experience the world not directly but through the haze of time. This distracts us from experiencing the world as flows of energy. Our attention fixates on something artificial, which we have created. It is important to remember that you have created time. In some ways, time is nothing more than counting. This is another movement which pretends it is real. We count the world and pretend this is a true experience of the world, and so we come to know the world through counting. This is never the case.

At best, counting suggests where to go to begin to listen. It is with listening that the direct experience begins. Counting is never a direct experience. It is simply counting. Remember also that no matter how real it feels, time is not an energy flow. Time sits in front or rides on top of the energy flows of movement between people and communities. When you experience the world through time, everything you experience is dampened down and filtered. It is the difference between experiencing sunlight directly on your skin and how sunlight comes through a dirty, colored window. Some of the filtered light may be pleasing, yet it will not grow plants.

Counting will not help you grow or heal. Think about this. All other living organisms have a direct experience of flows. This could be the flow of the seasons, flow of light, flow of temperature, movements of the sun, earth, or moon. Many communities around the world shield themselves from these natural flows and lose connection to a great wisdom. This is why it is so hard to activate people to see the planet’s health and support healing it.

There are different flows of energy. As creators, you are always participating in flows – flows of energy. You can ask yourself what is the flow of my relationship with my partner, my friends, my children, my co-workers. Pick any relationship you like and notice the flow of energy in the relationship. How does the energy move between you? The person who is always watching and counting time, and organizes his day in movements of time, his focus is on time and quantity. How much can be done in this time increment? This orientation is away from the natural movements of energy flows. Ask yourself in any given situation at any point in your day, what is the nature of the flow of the energy I am creating? How much of the day am I myself? Are my flows open and free? Do they move in both directions? What am I creating with other people? What wants to emerge in the space I have created for myself? What wants to emerge in the space I am creating with others through my actions, thoughts, intentions, and invitations? What do I sense about the flows of energy around myself? What do I sense about the flows of energy within and around my communities?

Unfortunately, counting does not support noticing and sensing. When you are filled with a sense of time – as expressed in movements like urgency, slowness, fast, not enough time, too much time, stuck in past, future or present – there is no room for noticing and sensing. When you are filled with a sense of time, you are typically in a stance of in-Knowing or in-Wanting. This is the difference between breathing old, filtered, recycled air and the fresh breezes which blow as you stand in a field.

Time – counting time, organizing by time – is a distraction from direct experience.

So tell me, how often do you think about time during the day? How often does the thought come: I wonder what time it is? This is going too slow, what time is it, when will it be over? How much of your day is organized by time? Are your conversations with people organized by units of time or by the flow of dialogue and listening? Is completeness explained by a certain number of units of time? Or is completeness decided by the flow of energy?

Some people want to ask, How would I get anything done, if I don’t pay attention to time? You would be surprised how much more will get done if you surrender your tight grip on time and sense into the completeness of conversations. Consider that many conversations among people in your modern cities are organized by time. Add to this the following qualities and circumstances:

  1. The hesitance to speak the truth

  2. Only a little bit of listening

  3. Being in-Knowing

  4. Being in-Wanting

  5. Counting the minutes, counting the activities, counting the results

  6. Waiting for something to begin

  7. Waiting for something to end

This is the recipe for people missing one another and lacking connection. What happens when there is conflict or when wounds occur or wounds rise up from the past? Who is there to hold this energy?

Of course, there is hope. All of these movements described above are energetic and can be shifted in a moment of new intention. Even with the introduction of just a bit more listening, either you or others can create a shift that invites people to experience new possibilities.


I suggest ways to experiment with relaxing your tight grip on time:

  1. Create open spaces in your day.

  2. Agree to complete conversations, determining their natural end point not by units of time.

  3. Gently guide your thoughts back to the NOW when you are stuck in the past or future, replaying experiences or fantasizing about what you want.

  4. Practice noticing. Notice something different each day about a relationship or on a walk you often take.

  5. Listen to a witness about something happening either in your community or another community.

  6. Do not break up your day into equal increments. Allow different size spaces for different actions. Ask yourself periodically, what is the nature of the flow I am creating and the flow that is around me? How does this flow move through me? How am I touched by the flow? What kind of flow am I creating by my intentions, invitations, thoughts, feelings, wounds? This is an important question – this question of what flow am I creating. What is the nature of my intention and invitation?

  7. Awareness of intention and invitation is often absent when you are stuck in the past present or future.

Walking Across Time

Everyone has the ability to walk across time. This is revealed by the examples of people being stuck in time. Where do you spend your days – in what energetic space are you? Are you in the past (memories, wounds)? Are you in the future (dreams, desires, wants, must haves)? Are you in the present (counting, waiting, habits, addictions)? When you are in-Knowing or in-Wanting, these stances are an important part of noticing you are stuck in time.

So why is it so difficult to be in the NOW or to move across time? There are several reasons. Primarily, this is because people spend a good portion of the days in-Knowing and in-Wanting. You can only move across time and be in the NOW when you are in-Learning. Secondly, to be in the NOW requires being still. At least it requires cultivating the practice of stillness. This means holding the intention to be still, or practicing stillness. It also means that under stress or with the emergence of wounds (past or present), you move towards stillness as best you can. You would simply say that the quality of stillness is present in the situation, though it may not be fully expanded.

Walking across time is a form of pondering. It contains all the qualities of pondering and adds another. I mention this because if you have been pondering more and more, as you fill the stance of in-Learning, then walking across time is not another skill to practice. It rests fully on the foundation of pondering. When you are walking across time you are listening, noticing and sensing. Your attention is turned toward the past to learn from the past. Your attention moves to the future to learn about emerging patterns and how actions in the now are affecting the future. You bring your awareness of the future emerging patterns into the NOW to support learning and personal change and change in your communities.

6. Myth of Innocence

You Are Responsible For Everything. You Are All Creators. There is no innocence.

These two messages, You Are Responsible For Everything and You Are All Creators, shine a bright light on the Myth of Innocence. The natural flows of energy that move between and through people and communities show there is no quality called innocence. There is no quality called guilt. You are the creators and very simply, you are responsible for all that exists in the world today, both energetically and physically. Innocence and guilt are your creations, flowing from judgment. You judge yourselves and others innocent or guilty. Innocence stirs from the world of goodness. Guilt stirs from the world of bad or wrong. I do not resonate with either quality.

Innocence is a coveted word. Many would name themselves innocent and many would have others name them innocent. Many wish to return to innocence. I resonate with the natural flows which are a part of growth and healing. Guilt and innocence are not part of these flows.

A tree understands growth and healing. A tree understands connection and partnership. Trees have no judgment of innocence or guilt. Even when people come and cut the trees down, the trees have no judgment of this action. Some will say the trees are not awake. They do not think. This idea is both accurate and inaccurate. The trees are awake and the trees do not think. The trees sense and notice and ponder. In a playful way let me say to you that thinking is overrated. Thinking is overrated. Thinking is the house that holds innocence and guilt, waiting to apply them at a moment’s notice. Thinking is the house that stores guilt given to you by others who judge your actions, thoughts, and feelings as incorrect. When the house it too full, it stores the guilt in your energetic body.

Make moves towards noticing and sensing. These are old friends of being in-Learning. Thinking prefers the company of in-Knowing and in-Wanting. This is why I say thinking is overrated.

The desire for innocence is misplaced. The reasons people seek innocence vary widely. One purpose of the Myth of Innocence is to create a release from movement, involvement and action. Let me ask you this, if you create innocence and guilt, why cannot you be free with a simple thought you are innocent? More often than not, it seems to be the other way around. With a simple thought you are full of guilt and innocence evades you. There are many teachings about innocence within the traditions across the planet. Many of these teachings encourage you to seek innocence or to return to a state of innocence. Underneath the words and lines of these traditions, in the space of energy where the traditions were first received, there is much to learn. If innocence means be in-Learning, then seek it. If innocence means some form of purity, then do not seek it.

There is much offered in the messages about children – your children and your relationship to your children both physically and energetically. Remember “your” means individually and as a community and across communities. Since innocence is often paired with children, let me offer this. I encourage you to learn from your children. This is a special encouragement, because when you learn from your children (your children and your children of the community) everyone benefits. It is not the natural stance of children to be in-Knowing or in-Wanting. Nor it is your natural stance as human beings. When I use the word “natural,” it means “part of the nature of something.” There is no unnatural.

We are approaching the edge of the limits of discussion and using words and thoughts. This is more a conversation of sensing – in particular, sensing flows and recognizing if they are linked to healing and growth. Let me continue and say “do not seek purity.” The quality you name as pure comes from the world of judgment. It does not exist without the presence of impure. Pure is valued, not as much as innocence, yet it is a prize. There is much harm that has been created by those seeking purity. Purity blinds someone to that which is not pure. In this manner, the experience of the field of possibilities is narrowed. Seeking purity requires a constant vigil to avoid or eliminate that which is called “not pure.” I will tell you one other thing about purity – a prize is only a prize when very few have it.

The Myth of Innocence whispers in your ear, be innocent so that you can do nothing, be innocent so that you are free from responsibility. The Myth of Innocence also says if you are not innocent, then pretend. The whisper continues and says everyone loves someone who is innocent.

If you are pursuing innocence or purity, let me ask if are you in-Learning? Or do you judge and evaluate your progress? Are you sensing and noticing or are you judging and evaluating? The Myth of Innocence sets you on a path which is conditional. Sometimes I am responsible and sometimes I am not. Sometimes I am in-Learning and sometimes I am not. Sometimes I am actively taking responsibility and sometimes I am inactive, on vacation from responsibility. Being in-Learning and listening is much simpler, it is just one set of clothes to wear that you can keep on all day long. Children too are responsible for everything. For example, whatever you do with the damage to the planet, however you act on healing the planet, the children are responsible, for you will not be here.

The flow between generations is continuous. The sharing of responsibility between generations is continuous. This is part of the myth which encourages you to believe the generations are separate. Of what value is it to you or to the next generation for you to claim innocence and act as if your are not responsible for the health of the planet? Of what value is it to say, “We are not responsible for the actions of our mother’s and father’s”? Who benefits from this? If you are not responsible, if you are innocent of the great harms occurring in communities across the planet, then who is? This question sits in the middle of the Myth of Innocence. The myth asks you to assign guilt. Assigning guilt is a distraction.

7. Myth of Form

The Myth of Form is the energetic counterpoint to the principle Everything Is Energy.

Notice that I say the word counterpoint, not opposite. Counterpoint is used as an energetic term for distraction. These energies do not engage in conflict. In and of themselves they have no awareness. This myth, however, is lively. This is because there are movements which support this myth expressed over and over again.

The Myth of Form says matter is everything, form is everything. From this very point, attachment begins. I have no resonance with form. You have great resonance with form.

Once there was a very famous woman, named a true heroine by many. At the end of her life, she felt that she was a failure. People said to her, “Look at how many lives you have saved.” She said to them, “Look how many lives are still in the path of harm.” They said, “Look how much money you raised and how many are no longer sick.” She immediately responded, “My goal was ten times that much. I have failed.” She died feeling this way. Soon after her death, another woman took up her work with equal passion. She had been saved by the heroine as a young child. In a single lifetime, she lived to see an entire continent of people lifted from the path of harm and starvation. The first heroine was attached to form. She judged herself lacking based on form.

Intention and form are often linked together by the Myth of Form. You can recognize this when there is great attachment to a form. The Myth of Form says only intention expressed in a specific form and then achieved is success. The Myth of Form actively encourages you to be attached.

A mother was terribly disappointed that her daughter was not a success in swimming. The mother had labored long and hard to make this happen. Her daughter could win regional titles but not the state finals. When it came time for awards, her daughter was awarded first honors for teamwork and sportsmanship. This award was voted upon by all the coaches and the team members. The daughter always helped the other swimmers on her team to improve. This had greatly annoyed her mother. She would say to her daughter, “Why are you helping them. In the small competitions, they may be teammates; however, in the competitions that matter, they are your competitors. Do not help them to be better so they can beat you.” To this her daughter was always silent for she could think of nothing to say to change her mother’s mind. She always felt good when she won. She felt even better when she helped someone else to win and feel successful. So she did not listen to her mother’s advice. On the night of the awards her mother dismissed her recognition. “What good is an award for teamwork?” she said. The daughter loved her mother. Rather than feel happy and honored, she felt sad and worried about disappointing her mother.

This mother is attached to form. Her intention is for her daughter to be successful. This success must come in a specific form – winning all the time, and in particular winning the state finals. If the form does not appear, there is no success. Parents, there is nothing wrong in holding the intention for your child to be successful, or that they reach beyond your accomplishments. Do not be attached to form. Do not determine a form without your child’s consent.

The Myth of Form and the stance of in-Wanting are close friends. Energetically they create a powerful movement that can sweep over individuals and communities. This is especially true of communities of children. Often self-worth is determined by the attachment to a specific form or a way of acting.

Truly, form is unimportant. A person wants a beautiful home. There is, of course, nothing wrong with this. However, when “wanting” or “intention” of having a “beautiful” home is attached to a very specific form (for example size, cost, neighborhood, bigger than another’s home), this attachment leads directly to narrowing the person’s experience of the field of possibilities.

This is called “loss of appreciation” and is another quality or energy present when the Myth of Form is active. The mother could not appreciate her daughter’s success, or even see her success. The heroine did not appreciate her own accomplishments, even though everyone around her was celebrating her life.

In creating intention, it is helpful to visualize form. In creating intention, it is not helpful to lose touch with the energy of the intention and have your focus shift completely to form. This is a point of balance that is important to learn, especially for those who lead communities and families and classrooms. The point of balance is learn to create intention with form in mind and not be attached to the form, holding true to the energy of the intention.

8. Myth of Pairing

There are no soul mates. This is the Myth of Pairing. The Myth of Pairing states there is one true person for you that will complete you. This myth would have you believe that your capacity for connection, true connection, is very limited. Maybe this occurs with one person in your entire lifetime. This is a very confusing topic. All the myths are very confusing. They sustain and feed themselves from beliefs which are often invisible and not open to challenge. When someone moves the clutter that hides these beliefs and brushes the dust off, the typical response is confusion, denial, frustration or anger, challenging the person who is raising the dust. “What do you mean, there are no soul mates?!”

There are many naturally occurring contradictions to the Myth of Pairing. Families are one example. In many families, there is the great capacity to experience deep connections across and among parents, children, brothers and sisters, aunts and uncles, cousins and grandparents. Now for the moment, I am assuming that these relationships are held in-Learning. A source of power for the Myth of Pairing is that it flows from the stances of in-Knowing and in-Wanting. When this happens, patterns emerge in which someone holds tightly just a few relationships or moves constantly from relationship to relationship with only the lightest of touches. It is also possible that someone moves across relationships creating harm.

The Myth of Pairing would have you believe that you are only capable of deep connections with a few people. Those who you name saints or holy women and men are often deep in-Learning, deep in connection with many people or with entire communities of people. In another example, there are many people who hold the children of a community and who are a witness for the children. These people are not shrouded in the Myth of Pairing. The Myth of Pairing encourages you to find a few, just a special few, make them yours, bind them to you. The myth says look for the specialness, judge everyone you meet, always asking, “Are you the special one?” The Myth of Pairing says find a partner and exclude all others.

If someone can hold many children, what stops them for holding many adults. I agree it easier to hold children. They share themselves fully, unless they have been taught otherwise. It is far more difficult to hold someone who does not share themselves fully. It is easier to hold children for they speak the truth and this easily builds trust. It is also easier to hold children because they are naturally in-Learning. It is easier to hold children because they invite you to speak.

Adults, most adults, have been taught not to share themselves fully, not to speak the truth. They are taught to be in-Wanting and in-Knowing and this leaves little room for an invitation to speak. The truth in the Myth of Pairing is that if you are in-Knowing or in-Wanting, you can only hold just a few, or find that one special one. It is also true that even these special relationships can slip through your fingers like sand if they are not nurtured with learning and listening and sharing.


There are many lines drawn by and around families. Who is included, who is excluded, what you must do to be part of the family, what the family expects of you – all these are shaped by the lines of beliefs and expectations. There are many forms of families as you travel around the world. I do not judge nor bless one form over another. In most families, it would be said we love one another. Yet the deeper satisfaction of all family members varies greatly. I am concerned with the qualities or energies present in families.

  1. Two families live next to another. They are only twenty-five feet away. One family is in trouble. There is anger and fighting and much yelling. The children often sit outside even late at night to get away from the yelling. The family next door sees this. The parents often discuss what they see and hear. They judge and say how awful it is for the children. This is all they do. They do not offer the children next door any nourishment, physical or energetic. The children next door are not invited to be part of the neighbor’s family.

  2. On the other side of the family in trouble lives an older man and woman. They are grandparents to seven children and parent to a daughter and two sons. They often invite the children next door over. John invites them to help on his home improvement projects, listening to them and teaching. Michelle bakes cookies for them and on nights that either of their parents are home she often makes a hot dinner for them. They are nourished by the energy of inclusion and Take Care.

  3. Next to John and Michelle lives another family with five children. This is a family devoted to studying. There is much studying and little listening. The oldest two boys help John clean his gutters or lift heavy things. They like to spend time with John because he listens and explains and allows them to do things their own way. They only help John when their father is traveling because John does not study.

  4. Across the street from John and Michelle lives a young family with three children, ages 2, 4 and 5. Michelle often baby sits so their mother can run errands and have a break. Michelle sees how overwhelmed Dee is and helps as much as she can.

  5. John is an elder of the Boy Scouts. For many years when his sons were young, he was a troop master. He still goes on weekend outings and is known for telling wonderful stories. John advises other troop leaders. He likes to be around the children. He says it keeps him young.

One family closed, one family open, one family in trouble, one family larger, another smaller. The Myth of Pairing says, “Hold only a few, be close to a few. This is all you can realistically do.” The Myth of Pairing encourages you to find the special ones. This is part of its mantra. The messages offer that everyone is special. Everyone has a gift. Gifts are made for sharing. All around there is great competition to find out who are the special ones, who are the winners and who are the losers. There is even competition to define the rules of how to determine who is best and who is not.  John and Michelle are not surrounded by the Myth of Pairing.

Questions about Soul Mates & Marriage

Soul Mates

  1. Mary:I’m still stuck on the point there are no soul mates. I believe I found my soul mate. So then what am I experiencing?

  2. Voice:What is the nature of your question?

  3. Mary:The nature of my question?

  4. Voice:Yes.

  5. Mary:Well, I want to understand why there are no soul mates?

  6. Voice:So is this a question of learning? Or a question of challenge?

  7. Mary:I guess challenge. I don’t understand why you say there are no soul mates.

  8. Voice:I will offer an answer for you to consider. There are no soul mates because you are already connected to the person you name “soul mate” and to everyone else. From the energy of your question, which you express, it seems that you feel a very deep, very special connection to the person you name soul mate. This feeling is deeper than you have with others. Suppose I were to say to you that you could experience the same connection with other human beings? Part of the Myth of Pairing is that it tells you that you can only have this one, deep, special feeling with one, special person. Often the term “soul mate” is used to describe the highest of these experiences.

  9. Mary:But it was so different with Mark, different than with any other man I’ve met. And it was almost instantaneous. I looked at him and knew that he was the one for me.

  10. Voice:I recognize and appreciate the strength and depth of your relationship and how special it feels, different from all the others. Sometimes when two people meet, there is recognition energetically, a familiarity of energy. This can lead to sharing – deep, open, flows of energy between the two people – that is uncommon and unique based on past experience. I wish to say that it is the sharing of the bold, open, flows of energy that creates the sense of uniqueness, not something that is inherent to your relationship. A choice is then quickly made that allows both people to continue to share. Remember that energy is not limited by time and space; relationships and connection can be experienced instantly. It is a wonderful experience.

  11. Mary:So you are saying that I can have this with others?

  12. Voice:Yes.

  13. Mary:Suppose I don’t want it with others. I don’t know that I can take more than one relationship.

  14. Voice:The nature and dimensions and the kind of energy which is shared is always your choice. This forms the nature of your relationship with Mark. You can experience other deep flows with people. You will certainly do this with your children if you chose to have them with Mark. Each relationship you enter into has an un-ending growth process. Only if you chose to stop, does it stop.

  15. Mary:Well, in theory I get what you are saying. I just can’t imagine having more than one Mark.

  16. Voice:In the way that you hold your relationship with Mark, I am not saying to have more than one Mark. With Mark you chose to share a long journey in which you walk side by side learning together. With others you can have the same deep, bold, flows of energy and share that energy because your journey is not side-by-side in the way it is with Mark. This is not a point of comparison. My offering is this: simply approach your relationships in-Learning. Listen, create invitations to speak, speak from the heart and share. Share your gift, be fully yourself. Do this whenever you can, as much as you can. This will create natural flows of energy and deep satisfaction.

A Question about Marriage

  1. Claire:Many of us believe that marriage is sacred, a special union between two people. What are your comments on marriage?

  2. Voice:Marriage is what you make of it, declaring it sacred does not make it so. Remember, no one can tell another what to do. I cannot say to you that marriage is sacred, hold it above all other forms. You can create marriage to be sacred for yourself and you cannot tell another what to do. If you are asking me if marriage is a natural form, my answer would be, that depends. It depends on how you name marriage. If the marriage you name focuses on exclusion and does not build connections between the pair and others, if the love is not unconditional and is one of the other forms we discussed, if the foundation is built on attraction and not built upon being learning partners,then I would say I do not recognize this form as occurring naturally.

  3. Voice:Tell me this, what do you name marriage? What qualities are present? Does marriage increase your capacity to experience connection and compassion with others? Ponder this question. It will help you answer your other question.

9. Myth of Attraction

It is a myth that only certain people are attractive or that only certain people are attracted to each other. This is a myth created by powerful lines held by many, not just a few. Each community tells it members what attractive means and what they must do to be attractive. Attractiveness is often a condition of membership in a community. As a result much energy, more energy than you can imagine, is spent by people making themselves attractive for other people. Even more energy is spent telling you how important it is to do this, and that there are certain ways that work much better than others. There is a great competition for your attention and decision to buy things to make yourself attractive. A question for everyone is: “How do you spend time making yourself attractive to others?” A second question is, “Who taught you the rules of being attractive?” A third question is, “Who made up the rules that you hold about the nature of attractiveness?”

Making yourself attractive to others in general is not helpful to growth and healing. Connection naturally exists among all human beings. This energetic connection occurs in many ways. Your souls are all connected. Your energetic bodies regularly exchange energy. Physical attraction is a light form of connection. It may seem otherwise. No relationship is sustained by physical attraction. Entire industries exist trying to prove this otherwise. They too add no value to growth and healing. Their goal is to get you to adopt their rules about attractiveness and to use their products and services to make yourself more attractive.

So to whom do you listen? Do you realize how often each day you are told to make yourself attractive? Someone asks, so are you saying that it is wrong to make yourself look attractive? Naming something wrong is not part of my nature. I simply ask to whom do you listen about what it means to be attractive? I am also asking about your intentions. What are your intentions? Consider the sentence: “I wish to make myself attractive.” What energy and resources do you spend (thinking, feeling, wanting, fear, money, time, preoccupation)?

Attractiveness is a myth in a world where all the creators are connected all the time. It does not seem like a myth for two reasons. First, you have forgotten that you are all connected all the time. Second, you are told over and over and over, “Be attractive. Look attractive. Attract someone. Attract someone special. Compete with others to be attractive. Feel special if you attract someone. Your worth is measured by your attractiveness.”

The Great Myths are a form of collective intention. They cross the globe traveling at the speed of light touching everyone, shaping your experience and directing  your behavior, invisible until you shed the light of awareness on them. The Myth of  “Less-than Better-than” causes much harm and tricks many into believing that men are better than women.

Part 1